Haircuts = Hell!


First, check out my duck face! See?! I too can be cool!!

Second, picture the scene. You’re sitting in the chair of your local hair salon waiting for the hairdresser when two women come over. It turns out that one of them is there to cut your hair and the other is there to translate to the hairdresser what you want doing, as the  hairdresser is Russian and cannot speak English. After explaining to the translator and having this translated into Russian, the non speaking English hairdresser (who looks like she was a champion weightlifter before turning to hair), brandishes a pair of scissors in your direction and says “I cut you now”.

Picture another scene. You’re sitting in the chair of your local hair salon waiting for the hairdresser, terrified the scary lady is going to threaten to cut you again. Instead you get the translator. Whilst said translator is cutting your hair, she observes that your scalp is quite dry and demands to know why this is. You try to explain you don’t know but assume it’s your new shampoo, however she waves aside your comments and proclaims that “well you are a very big girl so all the oil in the junk you eat affects your scalp!”

Picture this final scene. You explain to your hairdresser you would like a side fringe with some layers – you end up looking like the love child of Justin Bieber and Dolly Parton.

Suffice to say I’ve not had a great deal of luck with hair salons since moving to London! That being said, I’m hoping my luck is about to change!

One of the very lovely ladies I work with (she’s not actually very lovely but if I don’t say she is – she will hurt me!) has put me in touch with a friend of hers who does mobile hairdressing. I don’t want to jinx it and end up looking like I do in the photo, but I’m actually feeling quite positive I’m not going to end up looking like an idiot or having nightmares.

The trouble is that I now have to think about what I want done. I genuinely have no idea! My face is quite fat and very round – I’d like something stylish but not something I have to style. I’m very much a brush and go kind of gal. I also don’t want something that will make my face look fat(ter) as its already quite large!

Any suggestions on flattering haircuts for the fat would be most appreciated!

Much love,


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