Jo vs The Gym feat. Wifey and Orgasmatron

After months of excuses and general resistance to the idea of sweating infront of the people I work with, I finally mustered the courage to join the work gym. For me, it’s a huge step and one that terrified me! I kinda felt like if I joined the gym, I’d be exposing myself to ridicule and comments like “What’s she doing at the gym?” and staring. Lots of staring. I worried I’d be surrounded by loads of people at the peak of their physical fitness, who’d look down on me and judge me for allowing myself to get to my current size. Stupid? Probably. But that’s largely irrelevant. A fear is a fear. However, I’m lucky that my work wifey is a miniature Scottish bully, who after constantly nagging me about going has now become my gym buddy. Things are much better when done in pairs! Last weekend she came shopping with me to buy me gym clothes (I can now totally fit into things from Gap!), and I went crazy on Amazon buying a top of the line water bottle, a stupidly expensive gym towel and a reasonably priced pair of blue tooth headphones I have yet to use! Thus prepared, Wednesday was my first day at the gym! 

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous when I walked in! I expected at least 50 people to all turn and stare at me as one. What actually happened was the 5 people there not giving a shit. I felt simultaneously relieved and stupid! Why was I getting so worked up? I felt like a right prat! Anyway, another friend from work was kind enough to have taken me to the gym earlier in the week to give me an idea about what machines to start with and some exercises to do. Having finished these, I felt awesome! Like I was ready to take on the world, and stupidly proud of myself. By Thursday, I was cursing said kind friend from work for making me do things that culminated in the extreme pain I felt in my arms. Everyone has assured me this is a ‘good’ thing as it means I worked the muscle. This assurance IN NO WAY lessened the pain I felt when trying to straighten my arms. I also had a play on the exercise bike and pressed all the buttons in my quest to figure out how it all worked, while laughing hysterically at my wife who did not adjust the seat before sitting in the bike and promptly found her midget legs could not reach the pedals. I also had a go on the cross trainer which I liked, although my wife lasted all of 30 seconds before declaring it made her feel sea sick and has not been on it since. 

Friday was our second gym session! We dutifully arrived and joined the other 2 people in the gym! This time was shoulders… That did not go so well. I’m double jointed in my shoulders, and so most of the shoulder exercises meant I could feel my bones grinding together. Not a pleasant experience. It also confirmed my suspicions from Wednesday that I have the upper body strength of a toddler. Possibly less than a toddler. Nevertheless, I plowed on, being shamefully outdone by my wifey who, despite her portable size, is a sodding powerhouse. However, we were both outdone by one of the guys in there, who for the purpose of understanding I shall now refer to as ‘Orgasmatron’. 

Orgasmatron was ripped. Seriously. The dude had muscles! He was lifting the big weights. The heavy ones. The ones I could probably only lift when in control of a crane. However, he liked it. I mean, he really liked it. He was constantly making sounds that I usually only hear in the bedroom! There was moaning. There was grunting. There was heavy breathing. Then suddenly there was “AAAAAAAAAARGH”! There I was trying to count the number of bench presses my wife was on, when all of a sudden it’s starting to sound like I’m on the set of a porno! Hilarious! This went on for an uncomfortably long period of time. I kinda felt like really, we should have left him alone with the weights. He did eventually leave, which coincided with my first ever attempt on a rowing machine. 

The rowing machine was different. I’m unsure how I feel about it. I think I liked it, but I’m not 100%. I’ll give it another go, and if I hate it I will probably just switch between the cross trainer and the bikes. I didn’t mind the bikes. 

That brings us to today! This will be our 3rd session and today the focus is on arms again. I’m hopeful that I shall not be as ruined afterwards as I was last Thursday as that would suck. I’ve only just stopped hurting. 

Much love,


P.S. Check out the sexy gym looks!

  2 comments for “Jo vs The Gym feat. Wifey and Orgasmatron

  1. E
    April 25, 2016 at 8:06 am

    This is great! Thanks for the laughs and congrats on getting into the gym. I had the same worries when I first started as well.


    • Jo
      April 25, 2016 at 8:43 am

      Awww thanks 🙂 I think most people do! What I learned, is that everyone is so focused on themselves, they really don’t care about what you’re doing. It’s so easy though to get wrapped up in your own head!

      Liked by 1 person

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