A Fresh Start. Again. FML.

Cake

 

Well. 6 months after my last blog post and I have returned. Again. In my defense though, it’s been a really busy 6 months!

 

Firstly, I was made redundant. We all knew it was coming – well it happened. I said goodbye to some really lovely people and attended way to many leaving drinks and leaving lunches before finally leaving the building. This was a major hurdle for fat club, mainly because I just wanted to enjoy my remaining time with the people I’d grown close to (Jesus! That makes it sounds like I was dying!), and that included a lot of beer and a lot of food! Not only that, I’m aware that my food triggers are stress, comfort and boredom. I was bored at work because I’d stopped doing a great deal as Warrington had taken over and I was stressed because I was losing my job and saying goodbye to so many people. I’d say it’s fair clear to see that all 3 triggers were hit and ate my way towards Morbid Obesity.

 

After I was made redundant, Dan and I took the giant leap of moving (again!) to sunny Northampton, where upon our arrival it rained for a week solid. Fun times! We’re currently renting a flat in a nice part of Northampton, and truthfully, I’m really happy here. I never liked London, it was also too big and too crowded. Here, it’s lovely. I open my front door and I hear sheep! Change of any kind however is  hard, and moving up here with no friends and no job wasn’t easy at first. I kept telling myself that I’d done this before in Peterborough and Kent, but I had no job and no real way to meet people. Dan still works in London, so weeks passed where I did nothing but sit on my sofa playing games and eating food while I waited for him to come. I was so bored. I also drank a lot of wine. There’s a Waitrose round the corner and I love… LOVE Dessert Wine. Everytime there was a new one we bought it and tried it. As any dieter will tell you, it’s empty calories! I was just so bored and unmotivated that sitting around, eating and drinking wine was actually a pleasant way to pass the time, just not Fat Club friendly.

 

6 weeks later, and I found myself a job. Unemployment doesn’t suit me, and now I’m working in the complaints department for a Property Management Company. My official title is Customer Relations Officer, which I think sounds pretty cool. Anything with ‘Officer’ in sounds cool. Is it the worlds most exciting job? Obviously no, because that would be an astronaut, however, it pays well and I think it’s something I’ll be good at. I enjoy telling people they are wrong, I also enjoy writing – it’s a perfect fit. The people there are also very nice, although 3 of the people I knew at the start have now progressed within the company, and there are lots of new people. I mean, I’m new so I suppose these would be newer people, but I’ve not met them yet. Hopefully they’re as nice as those that left, if not I’ll just ignore them.

 

I also went on holiday! In fact, I only got back yesterday. I took 2 of my favourite people (Dan and Grampy) on a 2 week cruise around the Med. Ain’t gonna lie, there were times where I considered pushing Grampy off the back of the boat, but I’m glad I didn’t. I think afterwards I’d have been sad. It helped that he got a cold for the last 3 ports and decided to stay on board – it gave me a much needed break. I’ve heard all his stories over the years, and the problem is that at 91 he forgets he’s told them. A few outings comprising just me and Dan was perfect. It was nice to get away and just relax for a while. The only thing that truly annoyed me was my period.

 

Since the miscarriage, my period has been all over the place. They say it can take a year for your body to sort itself out after a miscarriage, and I feel like that’s too long. Firstly, it comes when it wants. I had to wait almost 8 weeks for this one. Having arrived, it then lasted for over 2 weeks! It came on the Wednesday before we went on holiday, and it’s just finishing now. 18 days. Seriously?! It’s done this for the past few months. I wait forever, it appears at random, then I bleed for what feels like an age. It sucks. It absolutely sucks. I sometimes feel like my body is punishing me. I have questioned though whether this wierd period of mine is also tied to the fact that I have well and truly put back on all the weight I lost. My period was wierd before when I was super fat, so maybe when I lose the weight it will be fine? I hope so.

 

I talked to Dan about this on holiday, because although I felt like I was better about the miscarriage, I questioned whether or not my spiral of eating was my own little way of protecting myself. I know that my fertility is tied to my weight, I know that Dan and I want children, and yet this didn’t motivate me enough to put the cake down. I wondered whether I was using cake to protect myself from the pain of another miscarriage – because it’s hard. I read about woman who’ve had multiple miscarriages, and after wondering how they do it, I wonder if I’ll be one of them. It’s that thing about if you don’t try then you don’t get hurt. It was nice to wonder this out loud, because Dan finally admitted he’s an enabler! When I’m sad, he brings me chocolate. Whilst I love him for this, Fat Club doesn’t. That said, as we do both want a family, we’ve both agreed to be better. I’m going to make more of an effort on fat club, Dan is going to practice telling me “No!”. We’re feeling positive!

 

So, that’s more or less an update of what’s been going on and where we are upto. We’re going shopping today to restock our fridge and make it fat club friendly, then we’re going to make ourselves some soup for lunches during the week. I have wierd OCD’s about food, so I’m not sure this will last. For example, Soup is a winter food and this is supposed to be summer. I’m not happy about mixing foods across the seasons! We shall see how this goes.

 

That’s all from me for now, I’ll be updating the blog later today to bring it in line with my new start. Go me!

 

Much love,

 

xXx

 

P.S I am also going to do my Jillian Michaels DVDs!!

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